How to scare the shit out of a guy on a second “date”

Submitted by Dutch

Quick background:
I met a girl playing in a co-ed softball tournament; we shall call her Crazy-Pants. We flirted all day during the tournament and after it was over, we decided to hang out and have dinner together. Dinner turned into movie on her couch where we had a great time getting to know each other. I felt like I didn’t want to rush anything so I kissed her goodnight and went home.
I called her up a few days later to set up a second date. Since I’m not a traditional-type-of-date kind of guy, I decided dinner or a movie wouldn’t do. We were both athletes that enjoyed competing, so I decided laser tag would be a sweet second date. I imagined whipping her ass at that, getting ice cream and then finding a playground to play on the swings. I propositioned her and she was all about it. When Friday night came along, however, plans took a turn for disaster.
Friday:
Crazy-Pants worked on Friday serving at a sports bar so I was going to wait till she got off work and pick her up at her place at 8PM. On my way to her house, at around 7:30PM, I called her up to make sure she was ready to go. Turns out she wasn’t. After she had gotten off work, she decided to have some drinks with co-workers and good friends at the bar. She asked if I wanted to come and join them at a friend’s house. Not wanting to be a party pooper, I went with the flow. I met her at a gas station near the house we were headed to. She greeted me with a hug and kiss, which I was happy to accept, but figured out quickly that she was hammered drunk. At that moment, I’m not exactly sure what I was more perturbed about in the situation:
a) Her completely gaffing off our date plans to hang out with people she sees all the time.
b) Her driving drunk (turns out she had a past DUI).
c) Her showing up to the date drunk.
None of the choices were amusing to me at all. I played along though and went to meet her friends. (I followed her to the house since she wouldn’t let me take her keys, classic non-sober move.) When I entered the home, I found a lack of people my age (ps-I’m 26, she is 24). Apparently the people she likes to hang out with are older, married couples in their 40’s. There were 4 couples, Crazy-Pants, and myself. Everyone except for me was drunk. I’m not talking, a-few-too-many-glasses-of-wine drunk, which is standard for people of this age group…I’m talking, we’ve-been-taking-tequila-shooters-since-four-in-the-afternoon stumbling drunk.
She takes me around to meet everyone and then I sit on the couch to visit with the drunks. The very first conversation is with a woman that tells us about her husband, how long they have been together, and how great marriage is. We shall call her Drunk Old Lady (DOL). She finishes her lecture and then turns her attention to us.
(My thoughts and facial expressions shall be in parenthesis from here on out…)
DOL: “so are you two thinking about getting married?” (WTF? and eyes open in shock)
Crazy-Pants: “well we’ve only been dating a week (we have? And confusion), but who knows where things will go from here (absolutely terrified, but I keep a straight poker face).
Dutch: absolute silence
The girls continue to talk to themselves about our future together while I nearly blackout. I can’t decided whether to A) sweat this out a little longer since the situation is terrifying, yet morbidly humorous or B) throw this girl off my lap and sprint to my car. I go with what makes a better story in life and hang out for a while. Thankfully there was a Giants game going on that I could watch and occupy my mind from this clusterfuck of a situation. Crazy-Pants continues to parade me around to her friends, but I am as lame of a guy than I have ever been, replying with one word answers and short statements when possible. Another odd conversation comes up later.
Random Dude: So where is Jeremy tonight? (who is Jeremy?)
Crazy-Pants: Oh I dropped him off at my mom’s today. (is Jeremy her child?!?)
She then looks at me and tells me she has a 7 year old kid, and then quickly changes the subject with the other person, just like I wouldn’t notice or care. (Maybe I should pretend to go to the bathroom and leave). I could be wrong, but that seems like something I might tell my date on the first date…..or maybe tell them before starting to plan our wedding.
Meanwhile, Crazy-Pants tried to pump me full of alcohol, which would have been helpful, to smooth the situation out, but I had decided to drive home ASAP and thus refrained. Pretty soon Crazy-Pants took me aside and asked why I wasn’t myself. I explained that I felt out place, but she couldn’t understand why I would ever feel awkward. That was the last straw. This girl was as dumb as bricks and socially inept if she couldn’t empathize with the disturbing situation she had put me in, so I told her I wasn’t feeling well and was going to leave. She then offered to leave with me so we could go back to her place and fool around……riiiiiiiiiiiight. I couldn’t be more turned off by this situation. She could have offered to blow me for an hour while I drank beer and watched Sports Center and I still would have passed. This girl was hot, but it was obvious that my penis was not going to be in charge this evening. I took off from that house and never called her again…She probably thinks we are still dating.
So here are some great ideas for how to scare a guy away immediately. For guys, dating is not always an easy street. Sex is not always the first thing on the guy’s mind. I’m glad this girl made it easy for me to see the crazy side of her before I jumped into a situation that would have been much more difficult to get out of.
Date carefully and take care, Dutch